Probably One Of The Worst Banks Ever – OK - I will try to illustrate the point rather than be factually correct - because it's such a nightmare, and takes ages to retell.

Opening an account with them? Forget it >:(

It goes like this, ring them vs online, because there are two completely different ways to open the same account.

Then there is a nightmare mix of phone them/go online - start to open up the account, then call them back, be sent an SMS, go back online, enter the details, check emails, follow link, go back online, then phone them, and then receive SMS, and then go back online to enter the details, and then phone them to get more numbers, and then..

Mixed in with this are numerous call drop outs and frequent "enter code" to a computer phone prompter.. Ugghhhhhh.

Included is sending out assorted parts of this fiasco by post. I have never seen anything, more convoluted, fragmented, spread all over the communications spectrum (phone/SMS/Email/online/post) just to get an account/s started.

This results in a small encyclopedia of numbers and codes.

You have your user name.

You have your new password.

You have your new secondary password.

You have a new security question.

You have a new secondary security question.

You have a 10 digit personal banking number.

You have a 6 digit access code.

You have a 12 digit account number.

You have the BSB.

And then you have your PIN.

Then if you ask for it, they send out a linked code generator for online banking. I think the beefed up security is much better than the typical lax Australian banks account security but it's so badly implemented.

I then get some money transferred into my account and I want to start banking, I remember my PIN number, but it does not work. AND after three tries, rather than risk losing my card, I ring them to get them to send me out a new pin number by SMS. But instead of sending out a new PIN by SMS in the next 5 or 10 minutes, they send it out 48 hours later. This is in the form of a message, that you have to reply to, with some code number, which gets replied to with the sending of the actual PIN.This is where it gets really crappy - on that I cottoned on to the fact that they get you to sign up to your account and to create a SIX digit pin number, BUT Australian ATM's and EFTPOS machines are all geared up to only take and use FOUR digit pin numbers.

So their incompetence shines through, and leaves me cashless for like 3 days. And they don't "get it" - that this is not OK. So I try to complain and bring them out of the celestial crapper, and into the 22nd century. 15 calls to people with Malaysian and Filipino accents, who say they are all in Sydney, Australia call centre who will pass the suggestion on, but won't fix the problem or escalate the call, or put me through to someone who isn't Asian and can speak fluent English and will send out an SMS with a new PIN in the next 5 minutes.

Then in moving on from the customer call centre to the head office in Australia, some people speak English, others don't, the calls keep on getting directed through to "peoples answering machines" instead of a REAL person who never bother to call you back.

In spite of the one explanation many times, after having verified myself, about how an SMS with a new PIN should be sent upon request, and not 48 hours later well purchase records from autotellers/EFTPOS sales/phone and internet banking etc. all transmitting immediately - well so should the supplying of new PIN number, to a verified inquiry.

No one can fix it, no one knows who can, no one will find out, no one will try to find out, and as far as jumping from the call centre to the Australian head office go to the start of the sentence and include answering machines (5 so far) and no calls back.

The conversations typically go like this, I state the problem, I want a new PIN to be sent out in 10 minutes, instead of 48 hours, and I want the policy changed, and I want to speak to the person who can change it. The important thing is to demand an answer "Can you do this for me?" otherwise they will drag you into all this personal information identification thing, then they will put you on hold while they read your file and then they will tell you it can't be done. Needless to say I am no fan of foreign call centres especially ones run by banks.

There once was a movie called "Eraser Head" nothing particularly evil/bad/frightening, it was really tame as far as movies go, and it would be hard to find a more "non eventful" movie but it was one of the most disturbing movies I have ever seen because it was like being in a never ending living nightmare and other reviewers said the same thing.. Watch it once and go for a weeks rest and recreation in a nice psych hospital. This is what dealing with the HSBC is like. Insane service and grossly incompetent management.

The grande finale, is that the management of the HSBC in Sydney Australia, the people who don't want to talk to you or return your calls or fix up the problems they have created, are so interested in you and your opinions about their service, that they give your personal information to AC Neilsen, so that they can email you to participate in one of their surveys. Cough, cough - don't think so.

On one hand, I want to keep my accounts because they are like a prize for legless people climbing Mt Everest, but I want to ditch them ASAP and I intend to because the service is so bad.

As a follow up: Money was deposited in my account overnight. Go to buy pressure cleaner, purchase declined 2 x. Ring the HSBC bank, foreign call centre - the payment is not in there. Ring the pay office payment was made. Ring back the bank - foreign call centre - can't find where the payment went - within the HSBC system and won't find where the payment went - within the HSBC system. Told to ring the payer, to ask them about it instead of transferring the call to someone who can find out where my money went within the HSBC bank.

Call the head office, speak to "Aussie chick" ask to speak to someone born in Australia, working in Australia, who can find out what "they" have done with my missing money, get hung up on. Ring back - pay out on them.

Their customer service wins the anti-Christ popularity contest. I mean it's THAT bad.

Just because people work in foreign call centres doesn't mean they are bad or incompetent but when it comes to getting important things DONE, this bank and it's incompetent management, and their policies and procedures where no one knows who does what even in the next cubicle totally sucks. But they do excel at wasting your time and running you around in circles while being super busy doing nothing about anything. So 2 hours of my time have been wasted trying to find out what they have done, with my money, within their system.

The money is still NOT in my account, and NONE of the people in the HSBC starting with the Australian Head Office are of any help what so ever.

There are also major problems with the online security code generator which is a code generating device you need to have, to be able to add payees to Bpay, etc., etc., etc...

They are not horribly fiddly, but there ARE issues with if you don't start entering codes within 2 seconds, they switch themselves off. There is also a disparity between 6 digit codes that the token generates, and the onscreen area to enter the codes, that has room for 5 digits only (and things of that nature)..

I ended up taking a hammer to the first online code generator, and they sent out another one, and the fifth time it gave me an error code after following the exact procedure as shown on the web page, I smashed it up with a hammer. I asked them to send me out a THIRD code generator pendant thingy - and yes... When I turned it on, it stayed on for 30 seconds, instead of under two seconds.... and online... There was no redirect to FORCE me to register the unit, AND there was no way to actually register the unit, so I get a code to enter into it, to activate it and link it to my account....

More incompetence, bad organisation, being dropped in the crap by them for like the 20th time......

Hammaaarrrr and Anvilllllll - "Whack, Whack, Whack" to deaded it 1001 times.

I am not putting up with anymore of their crappy poorly implemented tech/hardware. I think it's a spin off of the same problem of EFTPOS and Auto-teller machines only using 4 digit pins, and the people running the HSBC, using 6 digit pins...

Arm fulls of groceries at the check out.... PIN number error.... go to the Autoteller.... PIN number error..... several calls later, and a new PIN number will be posted out arriving in 3 to 5 days = go really hungry feasting on bread crumbs....

Same incompetence, again, and again, and again, and again - throughout the entire organisation.

Same kinds of untested issues.

And then trying to get this FIXED by talking to clueless people in foreign call centres well that can go on forever and nothing gets done either.

Forget about jumping ship, avoiding signing up with them in the first place. It's just easier that way.